Archive → October, 2009
Senate health bill may create new criminals
The Senate health bill currently wending its way through committees and such could create a whole new class of criminal. Imagine this scene:
Open on three men sitting in a county holding cell. The first looks rough and angry; the second is grossly obese; the third is thin and coughs a lot.
ROUGH MAN: Hey fellas, don’t mess with me. I’m in here for murder.
OBESE MAN: You sound rockin’, dude.
ROUGH MAN: You bet I am. Don’t tell the cops, but you bet I offed that guy. Worthless life, and I ended it. Good riddance. Anyway, what are you two in for?
OBESE MAN: Well…
ROUGH MAN: Dude, I’m a murderer. Get over it. You can’t shock me.
OBESE MAN: Well… I violated the health care reform law. I gained weight instead of losing it.
ROUGH MAN: I’ll say you did, Tiny! But seriously… what you in for?
OBESE MAN: That’s it.
ROUGH MAN: That’s it? You’re in jail because you’re fat?
OBESE MAN: Well, I’m poor, too. I couldn’t pay the fine.
ROUGH MAN: That’s pathetic, meat. You won’t last long in here, except as maybe a human comforter, Pork-o.
COUGHING MAN: That’s *coughs* not very nice.
ROUGH MAN: Well, I’m not a nice man, now, am I? How many murderers you met who are nice? Anyway, what’s your story, Wheezy?
COUGHING MAN: Well, I failed to give up smoking.
OBESE MAN: That’s it?
ROUGH MAN: That’s IT?
COUGHING MAN: That’s *coughs* it! ObamaCare declared me a threat to national security.
ROUGH MAN: What the–? You’re joking, right?
COUGHING MAN and OBESE MAN: No!
ROUGH MAN: Sounds like I’m better off in here than out there.
OBESE MAN: Or you could sell pet supplies.
ROUGH MAN: Shut up, Crisco.
General Petraeus for Prez?
General David Petraeus may be doing his best to make nice with the new commander in chief, but the latest buzz around Washington don’t center around ADHD symptoms, but around a possible White House run in the military commander’s future.
While those close to Petraeus can’t imagine it being anywhere on his agenda, many are speculating that Bush’s former right-hand man in Iraq may choose to take Obama down at the polls if the climate seems right for it in 2012.
The military man has no elected office experience, but would be a tiger on foreign policy. Trouble is, he’d have to run as a Republican to oppose Obama and no one but the General himself knows much about his political views outside of the foreign policy sector.
Now that he’s not running, T-Paw supports Vikings stadium
When he’s not whizzing around the country pretending to be a front-runner for the 2012 GOP Presidential nomination, or enjoying some Myrtle beach golf, Tim Pawlenty has built his political credentials around being a fiscal conservative… which is good, considering he’s John McCain Jr. in almost every other respect.
But now that he’s not running for re-election in Minnesota, Pawlenty has finally voiced support for a new Vikings stadium to ensure the state keeps the team beyond their current lease at the Metrodome, which expires in less than two years, in 2011.
The clock is ticking and now that he’s virtually irrelevant in state politics, now T-Paw supports a stadium? Sorry, but that’s weak support at best. The Vikings should always have made more sense to build a stadium for than the Twins; having Brett Favre at QB shouldn’t make such a difference.
Of course, supporting a “public option” on a stadium may actually damage T-Paw’s conservative credentials. And as a fan of Sarah Palin and Bobby Jindal, that would suit me just fine.
Only in Eagan
Two of the youngest candidates for statewide office are both running out of Eagan; and both are Republicans. Doug Wardlow, 31, is running to reclaim the seat held by his father, Lynn Wardlow, which was lost to DFLer Mike Obermueller last time ’round.
David Carlson, 28, will be running against state senator Jim Carlson, a DFLer. The difference? Jim’s a liberal DFLer, whereas David’s a college student and US Marine who served three tours of duty in Iraq.
Here’s hoping Wardlow and Carlson will finish 2010 as the new blood of the GOP in Eagan, and can start laying glass tiles in their offices to commemorate their wins. Traditionally, Eagan is a more conservative-leaning suburb. Current GOP Governor Tim Pawlenty served in Eagan before ascending to the Governor’s office.
Seifert wins straw poll
Marty Seifert, the long-time GOP leader in the Minnesota House, became the clear front-runner for the upcoming 2010 governors race. Seifert is one of nine GOP candidates seeking to secure the party’s nomination to replace Tim Pawlenty, who won’t be running for a third term but is mulling a presidential run in 2012.
Seifert trends a shade or two more conservative than T-Paw, which is a good thing for the party faithful; he finished with 37 percent of the straw poll results in that crowded, nine-candidate field. Tom Emmer finished a strong second with 23 percent, and former state auditor Pat Anderson received 12 percent of the votes.
It is likely the next GOP candidate for Minnesota governor will come from among that trio and the other six probably are getting an early indication that it’s just not their year.
However, a lot could happen between now and the party’s official vote a few months from now, so don’t look for Seifert’s LED tail lights to put others in the dust just yet; there’s always a chance a new name could emerge, such as former Senator Norm Coleman, who despite losing a close Senate race with Al Franken, still enjoys wider name recognition that Seifert, and has broader appeal across party lines – which would make liberal GOP members quite happy indeed.
Senate fakes “struggle” to pass health care reform
The U.S. Senate and House are faking the “struggle” to pass health care reform, and members of the mainstream liberal media have their most creative journalists cribbing tips from suspense authors like James Patterson to make it seem like they’re leaping over huge hurdles to accomplish this.
But let’s be honest, shall we? Right now, the Dems have a 60-seat majority despite the death of Ted Kennedy – since he’ll inevitably be replaced by another Dem anyway – and that prevents even a filibuster on the issue in the Senate. In the House, the Dems also have a commanding majority, despite all the talk of mythical “blue-dog Democrats.” (Psst… you’re not a “blue dog” if you vote the party line every time it counts.)
And, of course, they control the White House as well, right down to the light fixtures.
So forget all those conspiracy-laced yellow-journalism articles from the New York Times on down. Pay them no heed when they allege how hard Republicans are going to fight them.
Because the truth is, the Dems do not need a single GOP vote to pass this Obama-nation of a bill by a huge majority. So the real test here will be to count how many turncoat Republicans will flip at the last second and vote for this monstrosity.
And then, it’ll be up to the voters to make all those Dems and turncoat Republicans pay for their votes in the next election cycle.
Moore bombs out of the gate
You can put Michael Moore in a tuxedo, but you can’t make him not stink. And that’s exactly what Capitalism: A Love Story is doing to theaters nationwide this past weekend; it was tied for sixth place with less than $5 million and looks to be the director’s worst-performing movie since 2002′s Bowling for Columbine.
Could it be that now, since the left has control of both houses of Congress and the White House, they’re now tiring of Moore’s trype? If only.
The sad bit is, the guy residing at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue makes Moore look like a moderate.
