The Senate health bill currently wending its way through committees and such could create a whole new class of criminal. Imagine this scene:
Open on three men sitting in a county holding cell. The first looks rough and angry; the second is grossly obese; the third is thin and coughs a lot.
ROUGH MAN: Hey fellas, don’t mess with me. I’m in here for murder.
OBESE MAN: You sound rockin’, dude.
ROUGH MAN: You bet I am. Don’t tell the cops, but you bet I offed that guy. Worthless life, and I ended it. Good riddance. Anyway, what are you two in for?
OBESE MAN: Well…
ROUGH MAN: Dude, I’m a murderer. Get over it. You can’t shock me.
OBESE MAN: Well… I violated the health care reform law. I gained weight instead of losing it.
ROUGH MAN: I’ll say you did, Tiny! But seriously… what you in for?
OBESE MAN: That’s it.
ROUGH MAN: That’s it? You’re in jail because you’re fat?
OBESE MAN: Well, I’m poor, too. I couldn’t pay the fine.
ROUGH MAN: That’s pathetic, meat. You won’t last long in here, except as maybe a human comforter, Pork-o.
COUGHING MAN: That’s *coughs* not very nice.
ROUGH MAN: Well, I’m not a nice man, now, am I? How many murderers you met who are nice? Anyway, what’s your story, Wheezy?
COUGHING MAN: Well, I failed to give up smoking.
OBESE MAN: That’s it?
ROUGH MAN: That’s IT?
COUGHING MAN: That’s *coughs* it! ObamaCare declared me a threat to national security.
ROUGH MAN: What the–? You’re joking, right?
COUGHING MAN and OBESE MAN: No!
ROUGH MAN: Sounds like I’m better off in here than out there.
OBESE MAN: Or you could sell pet supplies.
ROUGH MAN: Shut up, Crisco.