Senate health bill may create new criminals

The Senate health bill currently wending its way through committees and such could create a whole new class of criminal. Imagine this scene:

Open on three men sitting in a county holding cell. The first looks rough and angry; the second is grossly obese; the third is thin and coughs a lot.

ROUGH MAN: Hey fellas, don’t mess with me. I’m in here for murder.

OBESE MAN: You sound rockin’, dude.

ROUGH MAN: You bet I am. Don’t tell the cops, but you bet I offed that guy. Worthless life, and I ended it. Good riddance. Anyway, what are you two in for?


ROUGH MAN: Dude, I’m a murderer. Get over it. You can’t shock me.

OBESE MAN: Well… I violated the health care reform law. I gained weight instead of losing it.

ROUGH MAN: I’ll say you did, Tiny! But seriously… what you in for?

OBESE MAN: That’s it.

ROUGH MAN: That’s it? You’re in jail because you’re fat?

OBESE MAN: Well, I’m poor, too. I couldn’t pay the fine.

ROUGH MAN: That’s pathetic, meat. You won’t last long in here, except as maybe a human comforter, Pork-o.

COUGHING MAN: That’s *coughs* not very nice.

ROUGH MAN: Well, I’m not a nice man, now, am I? How many murderers you met who are nice? Anyway, what’s your story, Wheezy?

COUGHING MAN: Well, I failed to give up smoking.

OBESE MAN: That’s it?


COUGHING MAN: That’s *coughs* it! ObamaCare declared me a threat to national security.

ROUGH MAN: What the–? You’re joking, right?


ROUGH MAN: Sounds like I’m better off in here than out there.

OBESE MAN: Or you could sell pet supplies.

ROUGH MAN: Shut up, Crisco.

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