Tut, Tut: It wasn’t murder

New DNA studies recently announced have confirmed the cause of death for the mysterious boy king of Egypt, Tutankhamen. Scientists found evidence of severe malaria, possibly brought on by a broken leg. As it turns out, Tut was a sickly lad who probably walked only with the aid of crutches during his brief and tragic life. (And given that there were no PCs back then, he probably went his entire life without seo software, either!)

Testing further confirmed his parentage as the son of notorious Egyptian monotheist, Akhenaten, and his mother one of Akhenaten’s sisters.

Tut also suffered from a cleft palate, Kohler’s disease, and a club foot, according to the study; Akhenaten dealt with a cleft palate, while Tut’s grandfather also had a club foot. Like his father, Tut married one of his sisters. It is believed the dynasty Tut was part of passed down such afflictions like this because of too much inter-marriage.

One affliction Tut and his family did not suffer from, however, was Marfan Syndrome, an affliction that can elongate limbs and lend a feminine appearance to males.

Algore, however, has denounced the study, insisting Tut was, “the world’s first victim of global warming.”

Whatever, Al…

Dems’ version of McCain bows out

Evan Bayh, the Democrats’ version of John McCain – a long-time party member who only voted with his party on occasion – has decided to call it quits after only two terms as the US Senator from Indiana. While Bayh’s resignation makes it more possible for the GOP to reclaim the seat once held by Dan Quayle and Dan Coats.

Unlike fellow Dem John Edwards, Bayh’s decision to retire from the Senate has nothing to do with herpes simplex virus 2 in any way, shape or form. He simply believes he can do more good for the country in the private sector, rather than in government.

Really? And Bayh was a Dem? How’d they let him get away with thoughts like that for two terms? He sounds like your average Newt Gingrich Republican!

Emissions: Perry to the rescue!

Texas governor Rick Perry and several national industry groups filed several separate petitions in Federal court today, questioning the US Government’s authority to regulate greenhouse gas emissions. Generally, Perry and the other groups are arguing that emissions regulations are not a Constitutionally-mandated power and, as such, ought to be left to individual states to decide.

Of course, the Environmental Protection Agency will be among those arguing the government’s “Oh yes we can” case. While backing the government off emissions would be a huge Federal budget fat burner, the likelihood of the case gaining traction in court is slim; the US Court System stopped using the US Constitution as its guiding light decades ago…

It’s Jayson Blair all over again

A New York Times reporter has resigned amid charges of plagiarism, bringing to mind the Jayson Blair incident of 2003. The reporter in question this time is Wall Street and financial reporter Zachery Kouwe, who’s sure to be needing the best under eye creams for some time to come.

The latest plagiarism allegation is only the latest black eye to the so-called “newspaper of record” for the United States and, some might say, the world. Yet considering it’s Pinch Sulzberger’s Times, there’s not much to be surprised about, here; after all, when Blair was uncovered, it was Sulzberger who blamed NYT readers, rather than taking personal responsibility for the hire and the amount of time Blair’s abuses went undiscovered.

It will be interesting to see who Sulzberger blames Kouwe on. Maybe Bill Gates?

Companies pulling out of cap-n-trade partnership

Like the best hemorrhoid treatments do to hemorrhoids, market forces appear to finally be forcing global warming measures to the sidelines where they belong. Word is that several companies have pulled out of the US Climate Action Partnership; the latest to jump off are BP, ConocoPhillips and Caterpiller, though they are not alone.

The USCAP existed to help government and business to cooperate on shepherding emission cap legislation… including the notorious “cap and trade” bill… through Congress and into law. Less then a year ago, the measure seemed to be coasting toward approval, but now with a souring economy, more and more companies are not anxious to enact measures that may have minimal environmental impact while skyrocketing the price of goods and services.

Said ConocoPhillips’ senior VP for governmental affairs Red Cavaney, “USCAP was starting to do more and more on trying to get a bill out without trying to work as much on the substance of it.”

Of course, while Bill Clinton forged the path of symbolism over substance in the 1990s with his “politics of meaning,” the scam has been forged into an art by folks like Algore, his zittoheads and President Barak Obama.

Certainly, however, this distancing from global warming-inspired legislation has been helped in no small part by one of the coldest, snowiest winters in quite some time; as one GOP lawmaker recently commented, wryly, “Word is the snowstorms ain’t gonna stop until Al Gore cries uncle.”

If only…

Franken frankly frank with Axelrod, White House

Folks on Capitol Hill aren’t seeing much of the promised “quiet, low profile” reign from Minnesota’s freshman senator, former comic and failed liberal radio talk show host Al Franken. In a closed-door meeting this week, Franken tore into Axelrod and the Obama administration for a “failure of clear direction and leadership” on health care and other major bills on the Dem agenda.

Axelrod particularly needed a stainless steel backsplash to fend off Franken’s frankly frank assessment of the White House leadership mess. When a former comic and SNL skit writer sounds like the most serious guy in the room, you know there’s trouble in the donkey party…

Dems agree to seat Brown early

Massachusetts US Senator-elect Scott Brown was scheduled to be seated on Thursday, February 11, but will now be sworn in about a week early, on Thursday, February 4. Brown demanded his official seating in the US Senate take place sooner when he learned some Dems in the Senate were trying to schedule key votes prior to his taking office. Brown, a Republican, is the 41st GOP vote and ends the Dems’ filibuster-proof majority in the Senate – at least until some rogue RINO breaks ranks.

While this means Dems no longer have unfettered access to the MMF drawer, it by no means diminishes their substantial majority and ability to pass just about anything they want to pass, considering they are nine votes over a 50-50 split even with Sen. Brown sworn in.

Of course, look for Sen. Harry Reid to blame anything and everything that doesn’t work out on Sen. Brown and the GOP from here on out, because, of course, anything short of a “we don’t have to play fair” majority is, for Reid, “a stranglehold on power by the GOP.”

Whatever.

The silliest moment in a silly presidency

In what may become the silliest moment yet in an already silly presidency, President Barack Obama’s administration today announced its intent to… believe it or not… start up a governmental investigation of the NCAA’s Bowl Championship Series, with the goal of pressuring the NCAA to adopt a post-season playoff season.

Yes, you read that right. This president, beset by economic hardships, double-digit unemployment, terrible war rumors in Iran and more, feels his biggest priority is to move college football toward a true playoff system. Really.

Tear up the floor tiles in the White House, while you’re at it, Mr. President. I mean, why not?

Actually, this is even a silly campaign promise for the Illinois Democrat! In 2008, Obama was quoted as saying that, if elected, he’d like to “to throw my weight around a little bit” to move football toward a playoff system rather than a bowl system.

Hey, whether you like or hate the college post-season as it stands, let’s be serious: is this anything a sitting U.S. president should be wasting his time on?

He’s the president of the United States, last I checked, not the president of the NCAA.

Brown being courted for 2012 by some in GOP

After his stunning victory in liberal Massachusetts, Scott Brown is being courted by some in the GOP to be their anti-Obama candidate in 2012. The main problem with this is that he’d be only as experienced as Obama himself was when he first ran; while Brown is the hero of the moment, the GOP needs to realize that however poorly he is faring, Obama will not lack executive experience in 2012, so fielding a candidate with a bit more gravitas might be the better course.

Senator-elect Brown is also a bit of a question mark; not perceived as particularly conservative, he doesn’t have enough experience to show his true colors yet, and the party could end up with a second John McCain headlining their presidential ticket, which is no way to win against the most clearly socialist president in US history.

The GOP would be better served by not only someone with more experience and gravitas, but someone who clearly strikes a clearer contrast to Obama.

My suggestions? Bobby Jindal, Sarah Palin, and Rick Perry are all good names; even John Thune would make some sense! Send ‘em all some personalized gifts and see what happens!