Tag Archives: Barack Obama

President strikes low blow at press event

At the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner, President Obama demonstrated once again why he never gave up politics for an open mike night at The Comedy Shop, or to try out for Second City in his native Chicago.

In a lame attempt to take a swipe at Sarah Palin, which seems needless considering she’s not running this year, or even in office, Obama broke out this one-liner:

What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull? A pit bull is delicious.

Please. Lisa Lampanelli is funnier on Celebrity Apprentice while insulting Dayana Mendoza in the board room.

I mean, what’s the takeaway from this joke? That the president likes eating charbroiled pooch? Or that he’s considered cannibalism, since the joke assumes he is familiar with the taste of both hockey moms and pitbulls? The whole joke just falls flatter than the President believes most Americans keep their under-inflated tires and can only do further damage to his image.

He’d have been better off channeling Dwayne Johnson and saying, “Which do you think smells better, a hockey mom or a pitbull? It doesn’t matter what you think, if you smell what Barack is cooking!”

The line would still be tacky, but at least it’d make WWE fans giggle.

Instead, the line he went with even made the crickets stop chirping.

Koch sees Obama vulnerable on Jewish vote

At least one Jewish Democrat thinks President Obama could lose broad support among one of his key constituencies in 2012: Jewish voters. And this is someone who ought to know, because he’s both Jewish and a Democrat: former NYC Mayor Ed Koch.

With Obama’s frequent outright hostility toward popular Israeli president and outspoken conservative, Binyamin Netanyahu, as well as his recent blunders in handling Middle East affairs, Koch think Jewish disappointment in Obama could lead to a higher-than-usual number of Jewish voters casting their ballots for the GOP, so long as the GOP doesn’t nominate someone who’s even worse on Israel.

But don’t worry about that, folks: Mike Huckabee has already said he’s not going to run, and it’s highly unlikely Ron Paul will prevail. While I wouldn’t bet my guaranteed issue life insurance on a massive defection, the possibility of a significant shift is not out of the question.

Good call, Mayor Koch!

Obama resigns to coach Georgia Tech

WASHINGTON, DC – In a WonderfulPessimist exclusive, we have learned that President Barak Obama will hold a press conference within 24 hours to announce he is resigning the presidency to accept the head men’s basketball coaching position at Georgia Tech University. This comes hours after Dayton coach Brian Gregory was initially announced as the new G-Tech coach earlier this week.

Georgia Tech athletics director Paul Radakovich let the announcement slip in a recent Tweet, in which he said, “Brian who? We’re getting Obama, man!” Radakovich claimed President Obama’s masterful command of his recent NCAA March Madness brackets indicated to him there might be an opportunity in the making.

“When President Obama took office, his approval ratings were through the roof,” Radakovich told WonderfulPessimist.com. “But those have dropped and I heard through a head-hunting service, while we were conducting our search, there might be an opportunity there. At first, I didn’t believe it. I figured we were getting Punk’d or set up for an episode of Undercover Boss or something. So we proceeded with the Gregory hire. A couple days ago, the White House contacted me. That’s when I knew he had a real chance.”

Terms of the pending agreement remain undisclosed, though Gregory did confirm it was a “four-year deal” in line with other premiere college coaches. That would put his compensation in the $2-$3 million annual salary range. As U.S. President, Obama earned the constitutionally-mandated salary of $400,000 annually, plus a $50,000 personal expense allowance.

“In a lot of ways,” White House Press Secretary Jay Carney told WonderfulPessimist.com, “this represents a promotion of sorts for President Obama. He’ll enjoy a far higher salary and no more criticism than he currently endures. Georgia Tech basketball fans can be pretty fierce.”

The reception on the Yellowjackets’ campus has been enthusiastic so far. Top recruit Julian Royal of Milton High expressed optimism. “I get to be coached by Barak *expletive deleted* Obama? Are you *expletive deleted* me? That’s the *expletive deleted*, man! I’m so in! *Expletive deleted* coach Gregory, man! Barak’s my *expletive deleted*!”

Others were less enthusiastic. Sophomore center Nick Hicks said, “You’re kidding, right? The man’s March Madness brackets were way off. Kansas, K-State, Kentucky and Villanova were his Final Four. He got one right. Now he wants to be our coach?”

The White House immediately issued a press release announcing the revocation of Hicks’ scholarship and a subsequent FBI investigation into his academic record.

Politically, Georgia governor Nathan Deal, a Republican, praised the signing in a brief press release. “This is a great day for Georgia Tech basketball, and most especially, for the nation.”

On Capitol Hill, word of Obama’s pending resignation sent shockwaves throughout Washington. Vice President Joe Biden, who will ascend to the presidency upon Obama’s formal White House resignation May 1, told WonderfulPessimist.com, “Certainly I’m thrilled. In fact, Barak told me when he offered me the number two spot that there was a chance this could happen. The man loves his hoops.”

Speaker of the House John Boehner, a Republican, will become the interim Vice President to Biden according to U.S. Constitutional rules of succession, wept when he was notified.

Yet not all reactions in Washington were positive. House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi expressed disappointment in the President’s timing, saying, “If he was going to do this, why not last spring? Then I could have been vice president.”

Also, junior Georgia senator Johnny Isakson, a Republican, noted in his blog, “First he ruined the country, now he wants to ruin Georgia Tech basketball? Go back to Illinois, carpetbagger!”

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RELEASE DATE: APRIL 01, 2011

Supremes will tackle birthers issue after all

Is Barack Obama really a U.S. citizen? If so, why the avoidance of producing his actual birth certificate, rather than the unofficial “certificate of live birth?”

That’s the question so-called “birthers” have been asking for a couple years now, and the U.S. Supreme Court denied a petitioned hearing on the matter without comment back in January, but now has announced it will grant a conference on the issue in early March. It’ll be a case of delicate material handling.

If Obama were deemed not to be a U.S. citizen, he would ultimately be forced to vacate his White House seat, ceding the presidency to Joe Biden, his vice president.

It is possible that Justices Elana Kagen and Sonia Sotomayor would be forced to recuse themselves from the hearing, given that they were appointed by Obama and the case would represent a conflict of interest. That situation would also put so-called judicial conservatives in an overwhelming majority situation, outnumbering liberal appointees either 5-2 or, at worst, 4-3. Either way, the case will finally be heard and lay to rest, hopefully, all doubts about Obama’s eligibility to run.

My take? Obama’s a train wreck; Biden would be worse. Keep them where they are and let the voters kick them out in 2012. Or not. We get what we vote for, America.

Patraeus in on Afghanistan

Sometimes, history is the best revenge.

I’m not talking about how, someday soon, there might be Barack Obama-based baby Halloween costumes. No, I’m speaking of the firing of Gen. McChrystal in Afghanistan following the publication of a Rolling Stone interview; in the wake of his dismissal, who did President Obama turn to, to save his hide in Afghanistan?

Why, none other than Gen. David Patraeus.

The same general who Obama criticized in his handling of Iraq. The same general who Obama-funder MoveOn.org once mocked as “General Betray-Us” in an infamous New York Times ad. The same general who Obama feared might garner some political aspirations about two years down the line, if you know what I mean.

The guy Obama hated, General Patraeus, fortunately had no vengeful instinct controlling him when President Obama called on him to accept what is in essence a demotion, go over to Afghanistan, and clean up the Obama-McChrystal mess.

All he said, in the tradition of all good military men, was, “Yes sir, Mister President.”

If only Obama himself were as mature.

Deficit out of control

President Barack Obama may look like a fellow more concerned about adult acne treatment than budget deficits… and he’s sure acting like it, too.

One year ago, in April 2009, the US had a budget deficit of around $20.9 billion; one year later, with the economy fully his administration’s responsibility after a year full of government auto rebates, bailouts of just about everyone but student loan recipients, and the passage of government-controlled health care, and we’re already at $82.69 billion in budget shortfalls … in April, of all months, when the government is typically flush with money from income tax collection.

That’s over four times the budget deficit of a year ago, and one hell of a lot of money. And government-controlled health care won’t even kick in for another four years or so, barring the idiotic measure doesn’t get overturned after Congress and this administration get overturned by voters.

The brinksmanship of the Obama administration has gone about as far as it can go, if it’s ever to swing back around, and word out of Capitol Hill is that Pelosi, Reid and company are readying one final round of new government takeover legislation and tax hikes before Tea Party activists and others toss them all out on their shiny keisters.

That can’t come too soon. We’re barely to the edge of summer and already I can’t wait for November.

The silliest moment in a silly presidency

In what may become the silliest moment yet in an already silly presidency, President Barack Obama’s administration today announced its intent to… believe it or not… start up a governmental investigation of the NCAA’s Bowl Championship Series, with the goal of pressuring the NCAA to adopt a post-season playoff season.

Yes, you read that right. This president, beset by economic hardships, double-digit unemployment, terrible war rumors in Iran and more, feels his biggest priority is to move college football toward a true playoff system. Really.

Tear up the floor tiles in the White House, while you’re at it, Mr. President. I mean, why not?

Actually, this is even a silly campaign promise for the Illinois Democrat! In 2008, Obama was quoted as saying that, if elected, he’d like to “to throw my weight around a little bit” to move football toward a playoff system rather than a bowl system.

Hey, whether you like or hate the college post-season as it stands, let’s be serious: is this anything a sitting U.S. president should be wasting his time on?

He’s the president of the United States, last I checked, not the president of the NCAA.

Brown could force stealth passage

If Scott Brown, Republican, wins in Massachusetts today, the Obama Administration could face an unsavory scenario; lacking a 60-vote majority could force them to ask the House to approve the Senate bill as-is with no changes, sending the legislation directly to Obama’s desk, then tweak the details during the budgeting process.

If they choose this method of passage, that could not only result in more mud thrown over Obama-Reid-Pelosi’s promises of “transparent” government, it could result in outright stealth tactics on all the details. Such secrecy has no place in American government.

Brown’s election should be more welcomed than a cure for hemorrhoids, among people who wish to see such governmental arrogance taken down a peg or two.

Obama aide Dunn admits to White House control of media

White House Communications Director Anita Dunn admitted in a speech in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic that the Obama administration had actively worked to control the media, rather than allow reporters genuine access to the president, David Ploufe and other administration officials.

Here’s an excerpt from her speech:

“Very rarely did we communicate through the press anything that we didn’t absolutely control. One of the reasons we did so many of the David Plouffe videos was not just for our supporters, but also because it was a way for us to get our message out without having to actually talk to reporters,” said Dunn, referring to Plouffe, who was Obama’s chief campaign manager. We just put that out there and made them write what Plouffe had said as opposed to Plouffe doing an interview with a reporter. So it was very much we controlled it as opposed to the press controlled it. Whether it was a David Plouffe video or an Obama speech, a huge part of our press strategy was focused on making the media cover what Obama was actually saying as opposed to why the campaign was saying it, what the tactic was. … Making the press cover what we were saying.”

Such brash arrogance can only be displayed outside of American soil, though the day is coming when that will change, too, I’m sure. For now, President Obama sits in comfortable modern furniture in the White House, but if the press is honest with itself at all… even they will eventually turn on Obama.

Eric Holder hopes to destroy Bush, post-victory, too

One of President Obama’s most consistently controversial cabinet members so far is Attorney General Eric Holder, who despite Obama’s professed wishes not to “look back,” has revealed he’ll be wasting taxpayer money and time on trying to criminalize the actions of the administration they replaced.

In some of the most purple prose and yellow journalism to date in the “big slobbering love affair” with the Obama administration (as Bernard Goldberg has put it), Newsweek profiled Holder and made mad, passionate love to his rank partisanship (not to mention his golf training aids); the kind of partisanship that, if present in a GOP Attorney General, would be vilified and blown up to reach proportions that would cost him his job.

Some change, Barry.

Sotomayor: The next Supreme racist

Federal judge Sonia Sotomayor could become the first Latina, the third woman, and the next racist appointed to the Supreme Court, if President Obama, who has nominated her, has his way. While the White House would surely like to distract opponents with laptop deals, the truth is that, in a 2001 statement, Sotomayor may have sunk her own ship.

She said, “I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life.”

This is, of course, in direct contrast to now-retired moderate Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor, who, prior to becoming the first female Supreme Court justice, said, “I believe that a wise old woman and a wise old man would reach the same conclusion.”

O’Connor’s quote underlines that judges show eschew personal bias and judge on the basis of law and the Constitution. These are values Judge Sotomayor rejects, both in this racially-tinged quote, as well as in numerous other decisions and writings in which she has said that the bench is a place to “make law” rather than interpret it.

While elections have consequences and President Obama is certainly entitled to appoint leftist, activist judges, one might have hoped he wouldn’t go for the most leftist, most activist judge possible, straight out of the gate. And that’s exactly what Judge Sotomayor is.

Mr. Netanyahu goes to Washington

All the KVM switches in the world can’t protect US President Barack Obama from differing with Israel’s newly-elected conservative president, Binyamin Netanyahu, a Middle East Reaganite if ever there was one. Yet despite espousing policies up and down the line at odds with Netanyahu’s agenda, Netanyahu is displaying uncommon political courage by traveling to the US this week to meet with Obama.

The collision course of values was set early in Obama’s White House campaign, when Barack claimed he would sit down with terrorists “without preconditions” and when he was praised in a European interview by Jessie Jackson, who claimed that if Obama won, “the era of Israel-first foreign policy will come to an end.”

Since Netanyahu is coming to Washington with an agenda that is topped by stopping Iran’s march toward becoming a nuclear power, rather than peace with the Palestinians, it will be interesting to see which man blinks first.